Friday, January 2, 2009

you wouldn't believe it...

So I've been gone a bit and thats because my life's been insane through the holidays.

lets start off with some hilarity... or kinda sad hilarity. THIS GUY'S POF profile makes it seem so nonchalant about cheating...

intmpe: hi
janedoh: hi
intmpe: how are you?
janedoh: i'm okay. how are you
intmpe: im doing good.. although holidays werent long enough
intmpe: did you have a good time?
janedoh: naw. i was in the ER. :( but i'm okay.
intmpe: oh,... what happened?
janedoh: my throat closed at like 4am yesterday. so they took em to the ER found i had an absess and did the whole shebang. i was there all freakin day. :(
intmpe: oh shitt :P so you are still sore?
janedoh: i'm whiped out. i feel like someone tried to strangle me. i mean.. they shoved a huge needle down my throat... so yeah.. sore is a good description.
intmpe: do you have some time off?
janedoh: well i'm supposed to be working here. but my sister called my boss and told her what happend. so i'm done for the weekend. monday i have work.
intmpe: ok.... at least you have some break
janedoh: yeah i'll be okay :)
intmpe: did you have any luck on this website?
janedoh: i have before. but it didn't last.
intmpe: oh ok... i havent met anyone here yet
intmpe: are you looking for something long term?
janedoh: i dont know.
janedoh: i guess in the real thick of it.. who isnt looking for the real thing??love.. everlasting.. but for now.. i'm just trying to connect with people.. see who's not just trying to get laid. ya konw?
intmpe: sure.. how long have you been in phx?
janedoh: 6 years
janedoh: :(
janedoh: lol
janedoh: how about you
janedoh: why don't you have a pic up???
intmpe: i dont get on here much.... am kind of just wanting to chat sometimes
janedoh: ohh.
janedoh: yeah that makes sense if you jsut are on here to chat.
intmpe: im married.. so not really sure what im looking for
janedoh: lol sounds like you're looking for a divorce.
janedoh: i mean if you're on here.. then that means its over.
intmpe: lol... im not sure about that...
janedoh: if you still loved your wife hon.. you wouldn't be lookin for comfort in another woman's arms ya know?
janedoh: the first thing you'll learn about me... is i don't sugarcoat life. i face the reality of it and accept the fantasy that we need.
intmpe: its cool... i dont mind.. but i dont really analyze these things
janedoh: i'm sure you don't. but then.. i mean does your wife cheat too?
janedoh: i'm just sayin...
intmpe: i dont know
janedoh: yeah.
janedoh: lol i'm not gonna slap you for what you're doin but i will say this... face the fact that it needs to end.. either the marraige or cheating. that way you can find a way to be really happy ya know? :)
janedoh: so what did you do for new eyars?
janedoh: years**
*** intmpe's IC window is closed

WTF? lol

so christmas was fun. .. nuff said. i got mario kart (okay so i have been living off of it.)

new years... the day before new years eve i thought my throat felt a lil scratchy. i mentioned it to my sister and my boss. both said "oh that sucks."
new years eve i worked. I'd woken up that morning with my throat swollen badly and in pain. but if i missed work.. no holiday pay. so i went to work. a few coworkers saw my throat and was like "oh my god. thats unexplainable!" my boss said "yeah.. no point in goin to a dr. they can't do anything for ya. just rest tomorrow." which translated to "don't miss work." bitch. as the day progressed... the throat got worse. the pain became severe and and i was just drained and worn out. I told my sister and she was liek "but we really want you at the party!!" so they came and picked me up after work and we went. we had a few drinks, i ate the soft small stuff and it was all good.

It was me, my sister's mom and dad, and my other sister's mother in law. as time passed, we watched the NY ball drop.. which wasn't that exciting, Dick Clark mumble on tv... and finally Shakira shake her ass with Alejandro Sans (oh my god he's hot)in argentina.

then decided... (a lil tipsy) that sister's mom and mom in law needed to see Dane Cook. Ya know.. I'd forgotten how filthy he is. I still cannot believe i sat through Tourgasm with these women. And they practically died laughing!! i was soo embarassed but i guess.. they know more than we do about all that dirty ass shit. HAHAH

so i went home.. passed out..

and woke up early in the morning unable to breathe. :( i sat straight up in bed in a panic and my airway openned up. i was scared outta my mind. i went ahead and called my sister and she was like "oh my god you sound like shit" because i couldn't talk. She left her new baby with her mom and dad and took me to urgent care.

I sat there for over 2 hours for them to give me 2 options.

1. i get a steroid shot, antibiotic shot and be given more antibiotics and go home.

2. they call one of the local ER's and i head there for a catscan to verify if its an absess in my throat or what exactly clogged my airway.

let me ask you this.. why in hell is there an option one in this situation!?!?!

so we went to the ER. i get there.. they take me back and immediately IV me. the girl butchers the shit outta my left hand AND inner elbow area... then another older nurse comes by and boom right into my right forearm with no prob.

so i should admit that she asked to see my absess.. and i opened me mouth. "Can you open a lil wider?"

i do and POP!! i suddenly have to throw up. oh my god. foul. i think i just popped my own absess and i just threw up foulness. OH GROSS (and now i'm sharing it with you. lol)but the nurse thinks its nothing but gatorade. :( bitches be trippin!

so i sit with my IV and thy decide to admit me.

i look like shit. i mean look like shit. i look sallow and half dead with wires and IV's coming out of me left and right. I've got the blood pressure thing hooked up to me squeezing me every freakin 20 minutes to make sure my blood pressure is dropping. apparently its high today. which is weird. and here comes mister adonis... oh my god

he's gotta be 6 feet tall.. ripped.. bulging with muscles giving every damned female patient instant orgasm. and he's walkin toward me. me who sounds like the godfather and looks like a butterball about to die. with his green eyes and ceasar hair cut... oh my god. i just smiled. my sister (who stayed with me most of the time) was like OH MY GOD. both of our eyes looked like they were gonna pop outta their sockets.

he took me down to the catscan room and asked me if he needed to lift me onto the table. i looked at him like he was on crack. he laughed and said "i can ya know.." i blushed like a school girl and mumbled my legs aren't broken. He laughed agian.

let me tell you something. he made me take all my hair pins out but let me keep my nose ring. now my curly hair was flying everywhere and i just looked like an asylum patient. :( that damned cat scan machine is scary.. but thanks to shows like house.. i was prepared for the dye they inject which really did give me a hot flash and make me feel like i was gonna pee my pants! which he warned me and laughed again when my eyes got all huge again. i was taken back to my lil cubby hole of a makeshift room (curtains .. my walls were curtains..) and left there to rot until the dr showed up like 4 hours later. :(

he told me i had an absess... i told him what happened when i threw up and the pop and he was like "thats good! that means you drained most of the infection on your own and thats probably why your blood pressure is dropping and your temps gone down from over 100."

"Dr. what did the cat scan say?" this being one of my sisters asking..

"cat scan? you had a cat scan?"


so after he looked at the scan he said it was down my throat but it looked like i did in fact drain it. but he wanted to go in and still make sure it was all out. so he said.. "okay.. i'm going to numb your throat.. take a needle and poke you three times. each time getting closer to the most swollen part until i hit that part. you're going to feel the prick and the pull but its not going to be very painful. its going to be unpleasent. and if you feel any kind of major pain... stop me."

so he did ... and there was nothin. i was in the clear. doc said i was one of the best patients he's ever had to do that on. i didnt flinch or do anything. i took it. that was good. he then told me i had to have my tonsils removed. he told my sister that it was imperitive that i do so because its just going to keep happening.

after like 9 hours.. they discharged me. my sister took me to get my meds and to feed me burger king.

i came home... and couldn't sleep. the vicodin hadn't kicked in yet. :( i watched "We're Not Married" an old movie about a judge who married people before his license was valid.. which was hilarious and finally.. finally crashed out.

mom's coming up tomorrow.. and i gotta clean my house. so off i go.

i hope you guys had a better new years than i did.


Nattars said...

Oooh you poor baby. I send you even more trans atlantic hugs and kisses than you can possibly deal with.

My new years was far less eventful. I was full of flu, got dragged to the local pub, had 3 beers and was ready to pass out. I did manage to stay up till midnight for a couple of rounds of "auld lang syne" and a complete stranger grabbed me for a midnight kiss. I found out her name was Jane, tho' not Jane D'oh.

Still at least we're both on the mend and back on the internet. Good luck with the mother and get well soon.

Jane Doh! said...

LOL i got kissed by a 7 week old baby. but that oesn't count does it? well i'm sorry you were all fluey and i'm glad you're better sugar. ;p