Friday, October 31, 2008

aw crap.

so today i called out of work. i used little sister's pregnancy as an excuse. i missed the bus.. and then didn't bother to go back. i walked in the house, picked up the phone and as if it were second nature left my boss a message saying that i wasn't coming in.

i feel like i owe them. like they took me in, taught me the ropes, give me free shitty health care, free glasses, and work me like a dog with shit pay.

i'm unhappy.

i feel alone.

I love my sisters but i feel like every time they help me, i owe them. "well i did this for you!" comes out of their mouth and i don't know what to do.

I called the bff. we talked. ever since the birthday incident, i've felt completely and utterly alone. betrayed. and the depression's gotten worse.

i've finally realized today that i think i'm heavily depressed. i'm emotional. and a complete shut in. i'm dying to go home to my mom now just so I won't be alone anymore. its so strange to even think of that as just a while ago i wanted nothing to do with home. i dont know.

i just need help i guess. i can't afford it. but i need it.


Nattars said...

You're not alone. You are special. You are loved. consider yourself internet hugged. :)

Jane Doh! said...

awwww i love internet hugs! it makes me feel all ... binarily warm! ;p

you're sweet. you know that?