Wednesday, October 1, 2008

fuh queue

this is what happens when you accept help in my family.

sister 1 has gone too far.

sister1: hey
JaneDoh: yo
sister1: whats up
JaneDoh: nothin just playin a game
JaneDoh: what abu tyou
sister1: eating dinner
sister1: did you eat?
JaneDoh: i had a hot dog. with mustard even. lol its like i live off snacks now lol
JaneDoh: i keep this up and i'll be thin
sister1: well im glad your eating though, i would hate to find out that you where sitting at home with no food.
JaneDoh: no ma'am
JaneDoh: thank you again for that
sister1: your welcome. Its what family is for lets just work on getting shit done for you.
sister1: we still havent done the ahcccs papers. even though i have them... i havent heard you say..."Hey JEN lets get my paper work done" this is IMPORTANT yasamin!
sister1: Im only doing this to help you out, I dont have to be. And i know you know that and i know you appreciate it... but YAS you need to start steeping up
sister1: stepping*
JaneDoh: excuse me but if you would have just asked you might have found out that i've been going through boxes for my ssn or birth cert. its not like i dont want your help jen. i really do. and i appreciate it. i'm not being mean or taking advantage.. i'm just tryin ot find my stuff.
sister1: You told me you found your BC and i never said anything with attitude so please dont start with you Excuse me.
sister1: im just saying yas.. relax NO ONE is attacking you
JaneDoh: i never said you had attitude. as a matter of fact all i've done is thank you. i said excuse me because its the polite thing to say when you want to clear something up. thats it.
JaneDoh: and no. i hvaent found it.
JaneDoh: i said i was looking for it.
JaneDoh: every box i've checked so far hasnt had it in there.
sister1: Im not trying to be rude yas, but are you REALLY looking for it? I mean the last time i was at your havent even unpacked the boxes next to your kitchen table. I dont care if you are or not.. or whatever the case is.... it just always seems like a story when things need to get done. Kind of like me getting my 30 bucks for the phone. Im not trying to be a bitch yas so be rude. Im just frustrated with you. I know you have been thanking me and i just told you im glad i could help. But.....Just like the night you came to my house... we talked for 2 hours. and i thought i was getting somewhere with you.... so we could come up with a plan. Then trevor walks in and you said... "Yea i dont know if jen told you but im moving back to cali in april" it's like the
sister1: whole converstation we had that night went through one ear and out the other.
sister1: Its just frustrating yas. Im still here for you and am not mad at you and dont want you to think this is causing tenstion because its not.
sister1: i just want you to understand that its like im really putting effort into helping you out and nothing is being done.
sister1: But thats fine. Ill leave the papers with you next time we hang out.... then when you find your stuff you can fax it in from work.
sister1: No worries. dont get offensive and upset because im not. I just felt like i needed to tell you how i was feeling.
sister1: plus im pregnant and taking everything to seriously.
JaneDoh: I'm sorry you feel that way.
JaneDoh: I dont know what else to say to anything that you just told me.
sister1: you dont need to say anything. There is no argument-- i was just stating how i felt. dont feel sorry just really look for that stuff, it's going to help you. Which is what i want it to do... help you. I hate seeing people struggle, or be upset because of money problems. Or hearing you have no water.... it's not supposed to be that way. Thats why i want this to get done because it really is going to help you.
JaneDoh: can i say how i feel now?
JaneDoh: its not going ot be rude or insulting or hurtful
sister1: sure, you dont need to ask. im not your mom. im your little sister remember.
JaneDoh: i have been looking.
JaneDoh: and it sucks to me that you don't believe me.
JaneDoh: it kinda hurts.
JaneDoh: but i understand why.
JaneDoh: and thats fine.
JaneDoh: I have done alot of thinking and I knew the answer deep down inside. and I tried to convey that when we talked that night but apparently i didnt.
JaneDoh: I think the best option for me is to move home with my mom. I want your help and accept your help and appreciate it with all my heart
JaneDoh: but i'm not just trying to get back to the level i was at.
JaneDoh: i am going to fix my life.
JaneDoh: and that no longer includes living on my own not going ot school working a job that doesn't pay me enough to live.
JaneDoh: I am also still learning to control the spending habit.
JaneDoh: I get paid friday. I will be getting a payday loan to help with rent and bills.
JaneDoh: with that money I will be paying you for the 30 ffor the phone
JaneDoh: and i apologize that i had not been able to pay you back for that.
JaneDoh: i'm sorry i didn't have the money.
JaneDoh: but i will.
JaneDoh: i'm in a bind i put myself into and i appreciate the family stepping up to help me. it makes me feel less alone.
JaneDoh: but i dont see my future here.
JaneDoh: i've been suffering by my own damned hands too long jen.
JaneDoh: its time to do things the right way.
JaneDoh: and i can't do that by scrounging to survive.
JaneDoh: I also feel really uncomfortable about lying to the government on those forms
JaneDoh: hello?

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